its been half a yr since i blog. had a good start for 2009. though good start doesnt always mean that u'll have good life throughout the yr.
First half of 2009 was like roller coaster ride... though still on it, but hopefully, i'll be the one controlling and not let the environment control me =)
The ride was a scary one
(it still is). Initially it went
up, uP, UP. den it went down.. but it went up again.. until a certain point, it never goes up again.. it kept going
down doWn dOWN... until i reached the 'ground' and hit my head facing down then i began to realise i have gone down to hell.
I shall not talk about the problems I faced. But I was given 2 choices, stay or leave. I chose stay, though i dont know how long its gonna be and how tough its gonna be...
and.. how can I leave now..The holidays made me crazy... My mind had more time to think... of business, of rubbish. Suddenly, I missed working long hours... missed being busy... I really do...
I re-read my blog, I remember Mr LAW who spend 20hours of a day doing things he likes and spend only 4hours slping.
I remember I wanna be like him in the past..i still do now...Where is my heart to listen to Rev's guidance?
Where is my heart to feel how ppl's feeling?
Where is my heart to forgive ppl?
Where is my heart to feel compassion for others?
The roller coaster slowly moves up, sometimes, it dropped. Then it took a lot of motivation and strength to move it up again... That's when I realised how much I've dropped. Most of the time, I felt like giving up, do you know how difficult it is to move up? do you know how difficult it is even to let it move?
When I'm not kneeling in front of Gohonzon, I became a monster.. a devil.. full of anger, arrogance, greed. When I'm kneeling in front of the Gohonzon, I saw the monster...
AhhhHhhHhHh...
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